Well. Fuck Recovery.

Welcome back purging everyday..
welcome back lies.
Welcome back depression
Welcome back perfection.
Its a bittersweet relationship.
<3Sayde.

Yeah cause im so god damn perfect....ugh. people.

So according to my friends im nasty. thats new to me. thanks bitches. So with all that said a whole world of drama came raining down the past few days...great. Ruined my fucking recovery too. at 10 days 5 hours of no purging. i think im just gonna say fuck recovery and ugh. back to the drawing board...recovery or restricting....i packed tomorrows "lunch for restricting" aka a cucumber and some carrot sticks and a 80 cal yogurt. and i have a two hour practice later on in the day. yay I'm gonna lose so much weight it kills em to see me. because im fucking sick of their shit. at least i can control one thing in my life. i can choose if i want it to go up or down. thats one thing you cant do. all you do is fucking binge ugh. (not you reader the "friends") oh and at the end of our little fight "im gonna hurt myself" um why? i didnt do anything  to you. shes so fucking good at playing the innocent card and now shes playing the im not gonna eat card. and i think im way better at that game. so let the games begin bitch. i cant say if im gonna be okay by the end of this but theres only one way to find out. NO MORE RECOVERY FOR THIS GIRL. wow. im stupid. putting my health back in danger for these girls who will be out of my life in a year. but if they think im so perfect like the texts i locked on my phone then ill show them perfect. ill show em what i can do. ugh. rant over.

Attempting Recovery Again. :D

So i feel pretty optimistic about this one. 55 hours purge free. my longest run was a week so hopefully i beat that. im hoping to go at least a month. i deserve this. All of you wonderful beautiful ana and mias deserve this!♥ you are so special and i love you all! but anyways 125 is my healthy goal weight :) hoping i can reach it the healthy way. NO REGRETS<3