Only day two of the fast and the scale said i weigh 143. thats 4 pounds in two days.
there is no freaken wayy!!!
oh and my asshole of a little brother keeps taunting me about my weight.
you wait you little jerk someday you'll be fat.
i mean seriously we added up how much he eats a day and it was over 5,000 calories.
i cant even eat 90 without feeling some sort of guilt or urge to purge.
and to make things worse im at my moms...
im gonna be made to eat i just know it.
and theres junk food everywhere.
i think im in hell.
45 hours 7 minutes down
290 hours 53 minutes to go<3
Friday, July 29, 2011
Fasting Day two.
So today has gone pretty good so far.
i went to my friends house and she ate toast and ramen and cereal infront of me.
i almost died.
iloveeebread. and ramen.
two weaknesses that helped create my disgusting self.
I dont know if i'll be able to keep fasting tho.
im going to my mothers and she pays more attention to what i eat than the people here do.
she might make me eat. and if thats the case i will restart once again!
But after i complete this wonderful fast I've got some unfinished business to do with the ABC diet.
Wish me luck!♥
41 hours 22 minutes down(:
293 hours 38 minutes to go♥
i went to my friends house and she ate toast and ramen and cereal infront of me.
i almost died.
iloveeebread. and ramen.
two weaknesses that helped create my disgusting self.
I dont know if i'll be able to keep fasting tho.
im going to my mothers and she pays more attention to what i eat than the people here do.
she might make me eat. and if thats the case i will restart once again!
But after i complete this wonderful fast I've got some unfinished business to do with the ABC diet.
Wish me luck!♥
41 hours 22 minutes down(:
293 hours 38 minutes to go♥
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Day One. Continued.
So im proud to say not a single piece of food has entered my mouth today and its going to stay that way.
But my god this is hard. seriously i think my family eats non stop.
my computer is in the dinning room and the kitchen connects and all i see is my family going for food whenever their little hearts desire it.
WHICH IS LIKE ALL DAY.
I'm glad i have control.
But i think the highlight of my day was when my two year old sister was eating cheese and wanted a hot dog. Daddy said to finish her cheese first. she didnt. did she get the hot dog...yes. and then after my dad got her the hot dog she wouldnt stop saying "i'm in charge" i guess she really is.
19 hours 15 minutes down
316 hours 45 minutes to go.♥
But my god this is hard. seriously i think my family eats non stop.
my computer is in the dinning room and the kitchen connects and all i see is my family going for food whenever their little hearts desire it.
WHICH IS LIKE ALL DAY.
I'm glad i have control.
But i think the highlight of my day was when my two year old sister was eating cheese and wanted a hot dog. Daddy said to finish her cheese first. she didnt. did she get the hot dog...yes. and then after my dad got her the hot dog she wouldnt stop saying "i'm in charge" i guess she really is.
19 hours 15 minutes down
316 hours 45 minutes to go.♥
Day one. kinda.
Well its friggen 4:24 am.
i cant sleep.
tried.
but i cant.
just my luck.
Been fasting for almost 4 and a half hours.
not hungry in the slightest.
i probably wont be until friday.
But thats a good thing. im hoping to lose at least ten pounds before school starts.
20 would be better but hey beauty takes time....and discipline.
which i dont have so this may take a while.
but oh well gotta keep positive or i wont go anywhere!
i think im gonna try sleeping again.
Night nobody :)
i cant sleep.
tried.
but i cant.
just my luck.
Been fasting for almost 4 and a half hours.
not hungry in the slightest.
i probably wont be until friday.
But thats a good thing. im hoping to lose at least ten pounds before school starts.
20 would be better but hey beauty takes time....and discipline.
which i dont have so this may take a while.
but oh well gotta keep positive or i wont go anywhere!
i think im gonna try sleeping again.
Night nobody :)
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Fat Fat Fat Fat FAT
So this is my first post.
My name -> Sayde
Im 15.
Sometimes i would say im an optimist
but other times i would just call myself a depressed bitch.
I suffer from bulimia and i have some anorexic tendencies.
No ones fault but my own i guess.
But heres my story anyways.
Summer of 2010 (Yes last year) I had just moved back to my hometown and me and my friend Sarah decided that we were fat and needed to get skinny for varsity soccer...Well the only problem was soccer was 2 weeks away. We spent countless hours in her pool. Did countless crunches and sit ups. and ate what we considered "healthy". That ugly number 190 didnt change. Then soccer rolled around and we started having 2 hour practices everyday. By the end of soccer i weighed 175. and i was obsessed with counting calories and knowing myself as FAT. To make things worse Sarah my "friend" starting taunting me with "oh i ate so much less than you." and "you're gonna gain all that weight back." I used to come home from her house crying because i wasnt perfect and knew i never would be. I guess i can thank her for helping me lose weight but at the same time she drop kicked me into an eating disorder. She still makes little comments but not to me. and everytime i hear her comments i shudder to myself and feel like crawling in my bed and never coming out EVER. but people like that arent worth it. or thats what my rents say. One night not to long ago Sarah had taunted me so bad through texting i was crying at my mothers house. That night my mom sat me down and told me i was the most beautiful of her three children. (LIAR) and that she was worried that i would get a mental disorder because i worry way to much. Well to late mom. In addition to Sarah my little brother always finds it fun to slip a little "hey fatass" in everytime im around. "Yeah Love yew too." is my normal response i know hes my brother but it takes a hard hit on my selfesteem. so honestly by now my selfesteem is at a negative 50. ugh. So even after an ass kicking 43 pounds lost i still see that fat 190 pound girl everytime i look in mirror. 190 to 147 and i still look the same. GREAT. 39 pounds to go for my goal weight but i think i wanna go lower once i lose that. i dont know yet.
But anyways....i walked 12 miles today and then binged.
ugh. and i thought the day started off rough
I was on a fast.
Cereal ruined that.
I'm completely hopeless.
I'm always going to be the F word.
yes i said it FAT.
Out of all the swear words i have ever heard i think thats the worse.
My name -> Sayde
Im 15.
Sometimes i would say im an optimist
but other times i would just call myself a depressed bitch.
I suffer from bulimia and i have some anorexic tendencies.
No ones fault but my own i guess.
But heres my story anyways.
Summer of 2010 (Yes last year) I had just moved back to my hometown and me and my friend Sarah decided that we were fat and needed to get skinny for varsity soccer...Well the only problem was soccer was 2 weeks away. We spent countless hours in her pool. Did countless crunches and sit ups. and ate what we considered "healthy". That ugly number 190 didnt change. Then soccer rolled around and we started having 2 hour practices everyday. By the end of soccer i weighed 175. and i was obsessed with counting calories and knowing myself as FAT. To make things worse Sarah my "friend" starting taunting me with "oh i ate so much less than you." and "you're gonna gain all that weight back." I used to come home from her house crying because i wasnt perfect and knew i never would be. I guess i can thank her for helping me lose weight but at the same time she drop kicked me into an eating disorder. She still makes little comments but not to me. and everytime i hear her comments i shudder to myself and feel like crawling in my bed and never coming out EVER. but people like that arent worth it. or thats what my rents say. One night not to long ago Sarah had taunted me so bad through texting i was crying at my mothers house. That night my mom sat me down and told me i was the most beautiful of her three children. (LIAR) and that she was worried that i would get a mental disorder because i worry way to much. Well to late mom. In addition to Sarah my little brother always finds it fun to slip a little "hey fatass" in everytime im around. "Yeah Love yew too." is my normal response i know hes my brother but it takes a hard hit on my selfesteem. so honestly by now my selfesteem is at a negative 50. ugh. So even after an ass kicking 43 pounds lost i still see that fat 190 pound girl everytime i look in mirror. 190 to 147 and i still look the same. GREAT. 39 pounds to go for my goal weight but i think i wanna go lower once i lose that. i dont know yet.
But anyways....i walked 12 miles today and then binged.
ugh. and i thought the day started off rough
I was on a fast.
Cereal ruined that.
I'm completely hopeless.
I'm always going to be the F word.
yes i said it FAT.
Out of all the swear words i have ever heard i think thats the worse.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)