I'm Sayde.
I'm a 15 year old girl who suffers with Bulimia.
My life is the constant cycle of...
Binge Purge Restrict.
It seems like it never stops.
But my ED does not define me.
I'm still the colorful, creative, and friendly person i was before i met Mia.
I LOVE to Rollerblade and talk on the phone.
Volleyball is one of my few passions.
I always give everything my best and try to keep a smile across my broken face.
My Birthday is my favorite holiday
September 28th (:
I can be a real comedian at times and my goal in life is to stand out! :)
But then again another one of my goals is to fit in...hmmm.
I love to Sing. and I'm a Hello Kitty and Barbie Fanatic!♥
I always love talking to new people too..just saying (:
My story with eating disorders goes way back i guess.
It was never as obvious as it is now though.
I think it all started with my parents divorce. it never phased my brother or sister but i guess i always was the more vulnerable one. But anyways my mom and dad divorced and my dad started bad eating habits which were passed down to me and my siblings. I never thought that eating your feelings was a bad thing. i actually thought it was how everyone dealt with their problems. but i guess not.
Then years after my parents divorce my mom tried getting custody of us kids. Her reason in court was that me and my sister were overweight and if we lived with her she could get us back down to healthy weights so we could be healthy happy children. yeah right. She didnt get custody.
Later that year my sister and i started playing sports. we thinned out and were "healthy" so everything was back to "normal".
In the fifth grade there was alot of drama in my class. to the point where i tried to kill myself because i didnt want to go back to school. but my parents found out and just shook it off. it was just a little drama. but they had no idea my selfesteem was getting lower and lower.
Seventh grade i thought i was fat. being 11 and wearing a size 3 pants and extra small t-shirts in juniors seemed like i was a hippo especially since my best friend was a still wearing kids sizes. and so a new girl moved to town. and we became best friends. she and i would skip lunch together because we didnt wanna get fat. and soon i skipped breakfast and dinner too. refusing to eat anything but celery and carrots. and this went on even after she moved. one of my good friends made me eat lunch in the cafeteria one day and i couldnt do it. everyone was watching me. or so it seemed. so i dumped all the food in the garbage and went outside to swing. i didnt go back in the cafeteria again that year.
Things cooled down in nineth grade...i guess. i gained 40 pounds. putting me at my highest weight 190. i had devolped a binge eating disorder from always being alone. i had just moved in with my mom and she worked from 3 to 11. so i didnt get to see her at all during the week.and i started getting lonely and depressed...so i ran to the cupboard and there was the food...and it helped me. but then my mom took me for a doctors appointment and he told me how i was obese. i was so humiliated. so ashamed. so i decided to lose weight.
The summer before 10th grade. Ahhh my senior friend and i had decided since it was a week before soccer we were going to lose weight and look amazing the first day of soccer. we lost nothing!! But we started losing weight once soccer had started. i lost 15 pounds the healthy way! :) then my friend started spiting words of hate and discouragement my way. She told me how she was always going to be thinner than i am. and would always eat less around me. Volleyball season started. another 15 pounds lost the healthy way. but then one night i was at my friends house and she called me fat for eating an oreo. she kept making comments like that all night. i came home crying. by then i had already started restricting again. but then by April i was purging like crazy. We had gone to South Carolina for a vacation and i binged every night. so i started purging in the house we rented...
And Now its August. In a meer five months my world has been turned upside down again.
because of friends.
My boyfriend.
Verbal abuse from my Family.
And
Constant bullying about my body at school.
Bulimia is not a lifestyle.
Its a disease.
The one i cant escape.
