I'm to the point where i think i need antidepressants...but im afriad to ask my parents because they think im a bouncing bundle of joy when i only want to cry lately. i HATE my friends. its not even just they annoy me anymore. its hate. i dont wanna talk to any of my guy friends either. i dont want to see my crush either which is strange for me. i think im just giving up on everyone like how they gave up on me.
just last night my dad was talking about how i was a hog and how they spend so much on groceries every week and how its all my fault. theres six of us. it cant possibly be ALL my fault. but now im being my stupid stubborn self again and liquid fasting to prove that without me eating they'll still pay alot on groceries. but they wont notice. i think my dad did earlier tho when i was making coffee and my friend was eating everything in sight. and then i only had coffee. i think he was surprised. but anyways. i got offered two cookies and a cupcake today and i turned them down. im so proud of myself. :D but then i almost had a nervous breakdown during studyhall because i miss my mom and things dont seem to be going quite great over here....new cuts. and more alcohol. yay? ugh. i even cut a smiley face into my leg. what the heckk? but anyways i got my period on sunday. yay! now to work on losing it again....
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