Never drinking with "friends" again...

So tonight i went out tonight to a stateland party with a bunch of my friends and got really smashed.

And everything was going okay until my "friend" got there.

He took me into the woods and had his way with me.

Im not sure if i should call it rape...because i didnt say no.. but i didnt say yes to him either.

I woke up with no clothes on and him telling me to put my clothes on because people were looking for me..

he left.

i cried for probably 2 hours and still feel like shit.

I feel like i was raped...but i dont wanna say that or tell any of my friends because he was my friend and i dont wanna put anyone in jail...

I wish i never went.

So after i got out of the woods i found my sister and started crying because she had been looking for me for a half hour thinking i left the party with a bunch of guys.

and i cried more.

then i thought she hated me so i found my friend lindsey and steph and they hugged me and told me she didnt hate me she was just worried. then maranda(my sister) hugged me and told me how stupid i was.

i told everyone i feel asleep in the woods...

im to ashamed to tell anyone...

but i took my crush aside

(he promised me he wouldnt let me do anything with this guy)

and i told him that i thought something happened but i only remembered being dragged out of the woods.

and i started bawling again.

So he hugged me and told me everything was gonna be alright...but then marandas boyfriend got pissed off at someone so we had to leave...im never going to one of those parties ever again!

ugh. 

im just so upset... 

i dont feel like im ever gonna be able to have another stable relationship or anything else ever again...this shit always happens to me..

oh you know what the greatest thing was?!

THE FUCKER WHO TOOK ME INTO THE WOODS HAD THE FUCKING NERVE TO CALL ME AND ASK IF I HAD FUN!!! 

fuck my life.

i never wanna eat again

watch me wither away.