Breaking point.

IM AT MY BREAKING POINT.

you know...the one where you just dont give a fuck anymore. nothing matters.

i got 160 dollars today for my birthday.

im planning on buying alcohol with it. at least when im drunk i dont remember anything else.

maybe it'll screw with me even more than it already has.

Just today was awful. im at the point where i will go to a hospital and beg them to admit me.

but they wont...because im not sick enough. Who knows. maybe im just faking this whole entire thing...which could be it. maybe im just in dream land and when i wake up ill be 190 again instead of 140.

 Im definately a failure at my ED or thats what i feel like.

IM NOT SKINNY ENOUGH. 

AND I NEVER WILL BE. 

everything i eat i can feel just coming right back up...so why even eat anymore im just done.

IM DONE...

WITH EATING

WITH PURGING

WITH JUST EVERYTHING.

I CANT DO IT ANYMORE.

I'll find comfort in the hunger. and ill find friendship in the loneliness.

Its not like ive every felt accompanied by anyone anyways.

Please someone just help me.

I dont wanna do this anymore.

I wanna get better.

I dont wanna eat.

 I want my parents to help.

NO I DONTT!

YES. YES. I DO.

Someone just please send me to a hospital.

i dont wanna be HERE anymore.